Strawaberry Pie

When I was growing up I was convinced that those little red berries with the seeds on the outside were said (and spelled) “strawaberry.” Wrong. But then, I was also the kid who thought that “sponge” was pronounced “spong” (rhymes with “bong”) and that “wad” rhymed with “rad.”

Anyway, it’s strawaberry season! My best friend, Wonder Woman, and I are suckers for strawaberries and farms. Our idea of a fun Saturday morning is slogging through a strawaberry field, dragging a bucket, painstakingly choosing each perfect berry (code for we eat the imperfect ones).

I made a strawaberry pie today. There are generally three things wrong with strawaberry pies (I don’t want to indict all strawaberry pies–just most.)

Three General Reasons:

1. They’re gelatinous.

2. They’re too sweet. The kind of sweet that makes my mouth go thhwwwaaaaa.

3.  They’re made with a canned pie filling. This is criminal. Canned filling is…terrible. It’s why the pie is too sweet and gelatinous. It’s easy, but it takes easy. You know what I mean.

So I made a fresh strawaberry pie–it was easy. And delicious. And not gelatinous.

Here’s how:

Get some strawaberries–about 3 pounds. Rinse and hull them.

what three pounds of strawaberries looks like

Divide them into thirds–beautiful, average, and ugly.

Chop up the ugly ones anyway you want, then stick them into a food processor. Blend to a pulp.

puree puree

Slice the average strawaberries into quarters, like this:

cutting quarters

Put the pureed strawaberries, 1 cup of sugar, and 1 Tablespoon of pectin, and a pinch of salt into a small pot and simmer the mixture, stirring often.

sugar and strawaberries

Once a thick foam forms, wait a minute, then remove from heat and skim the foam off of the top.


Put the foam-less mixture back onto the heat, then slowly add  3 Tablespoons of cornstarch previously dissolved in 1/4 cup of water. It’ll be an opaque off white.


Keep stirring. When it thickens, add some lemon zest and about 1/2 a teaspoon of vanilla extract (remember–good vanilla).

Turn off the heat.

Scoop out about a 1/4 cup of the mixture for the glaze, to be used later.


Put the remaining mixture into a medium bowl and stir in the quartered strawaberries. Pour into a pre-baked pie crust. I was lazy today, and let Pillsbury do the work for me. That’s almost as criminal as canned pie filling but, bitch please, give me a break.

lazy, lazy piecrust

Now, cut the beautiful strawaberries into halves and top the pie with their beautiful bodies.

To make the glaze, just whisk a little bit of water into that reserved mixture and brush over the halved strawaberries. Refrigerate until completely cool. Serve.


suck it, martha.

recipe adapted from the local paper, believe it or not.

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Categories: Food & Drink


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