Quick & Dirty Strawberry Shortcake

IT’S SPRINGTIME!!!

from joffi

from joffi

Springtime in the South means that there’s about a week where you can wear a tank top during daylight hours and a cardigan during nighttime hours.

After that week, it’s all tank tops all the time.

from celebritygossip

from celebritygossip

Or else you get the heatstroke.

Springtime also means pollen. Ever wonder why yellow is the universal color of spring?

Pollen.

from bostonglobe

from bostonglobe

People walk around enjoying that one week of spring, discussing it in nasal tones while huffing Zyrtec.

But my favorite part of springtime, fresh flowers and newly green everything aside, is strawberries.

from bluerose00

from bluerose00

There is nothing–nothing, folks–better than a fresh (local–not shipped green from Paraguay) squishy strawberry.

Nothing.

from smartpei

from smartpei

I was discussing this with Yankee Bitch a few days ago. She’s been in the South long enough to endure the pollen without much complaint.

from time

from time

I mentioned that I was going to make strawberry shortcake this weekend, and she told me I needed to make it out of Pillsbury biscuits. You know, the kind you whomp out of a tube.

I looked at her like she was loony.

from flickr

from flickr

Really?

Whomp biscuit strawberry shortcake?

Really?!?

And it’s good?

She assured me that it was not only incredibly easy, but also delicious. Since she’s the reason my omelets no longer suck, I decided to trust her on this one.

She was right–it was incredibly easy. To begin, rinse off a hefty handful of your fresh strawberries,

fresh berries

fresh berries

and then cut the lil’ green heads off of them.

topless berries

topless berries

Slice them, then put them in a bowl, and mash.

sliced and slightly mashed

sliced and slightly mashed

Sprinkle a little sugar over the top of them, and then let them sit for at least an hour to macerate.

sugared

sugared

When you return, they should be all soft and juicy.

macerated and juicy

macerated and juicy

Preheat the oven to 425, then grab your tube of whomp biscuits.

Whomp them open, and place in a greased dish. I tried to minimize the cleanup, so I used foil as well.

raw biscuits

raw biscuits

Bake until golden brown.

hot, golden biscuits

hot, golden biscuits

While the biscuits are baking, make your whipped cream. Do not use Cool Whip.

I repeat: do not use Cool Whip.

You are better than that. Even if you’re not, try to be. It’s good to have goals.

Making your own whipped cream is incredibly easy. You can’t tell, but I sipped on a hot cup of tea the entire time I made this whipped cream. Yep, it’s a one-arm job.

Pour some heavy whipping cream into a bowl. No need to measure–if it’s just for one, pour some. If it’s for two, pour more.

Get it?

whipping cream in a bowl

whipping cream in a bowl

Sprinkle a little sugar into the heavy cream. Just a sprinkle.

If you’re feeling daring, zest a little lemon in there. Then get out the trusty hand-mixer (or, if you’re a proud parent of a stand mixer, use that) and go to town on it.

going to town

going to town

You can do any number of things while you whip cream. Watch TV, swipe through your Kindle, talk to your mom, Facebook stalk your ex, pick your nose, clean the counter, drink a beverage. I just opted for the beverage, especially since I was also wielding a camera.

Speaking of: I just got a fancy new camera. This camera is smarter than I am. This camera makes me feel totally inadequate. This camera tell me f*#% you on a daily basis. I apologize for any quality issues with the images in this post, as I was probably cursing at my camera when it finally decided to take a picture.

Back to whipped cream.

When the cream can hold peaks and hills, you’re done.

whipped & peaked

whipped & peaked

Stick your finger in there for quality testing.

This is a necessary step.

Once the biscuits have cooled enough that you can touch them, slice one in half, smear vanilla ice cream all over the bottom half, then put the lid on.

vanilla ice cream

vanilla ice cream

Drizzle your macerated strawberries all over the top of the biscuit sandwich.

Dollop that fresh whipped cream on top.

yum

yum

Maybe stick a small berry on top to make it classy.

ready!

ready!

Eat. Right. Now.

Because I was a little skeptical of this whomp biscuit method (sorry Yankee Bitch), I also made a more traditional shortcake biscuit simultaneously. You know, just to test them out side by side.

both

both

El Guapo and I ate six between the two of us, and we determined that each was pretty delicious.

The quick & dirty method was surprisingly good, plus El Guapo noted that the savory biscuit complimented the sweet everything else really nicely. The traditional biscuit tasted fancier than the whomp biscuit, but not good enough to justify making it instead of the whomp biscuit.

Verdict: I’d do it again.

suck it, martha.

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Categories: Food & Drink, Tips

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2 Comments on “Quick & Dirty Strawberry Shortcake”

  1. Earth Momma
    April 15, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    I want this for dinner Tuesday night. Please & thank you.

    • April 15, 2013 at 9:50 pm #

      There are no more strawberries left, or I would. We made too much sauce yesterday.

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